Secrets Elderly Parents May Keep From Their Children

As parents age, they often start keeping secrets from their adult children or caregivers and hiding important information such as reporting falls, dizziness, alcohol or drug use and even financial abuse can cause much more harm than they may believe.

Seniors may not want to worry their children, who are often sandwiched between raising their own family, building careers and caring for aging parents. But secrets, even little white lies, may have a profound effect on the health and welfare of older adults.

Losing independence is a primary concern among seniors who fear they will lose their driving privileges or be shipped off to a nursing home if they are honest about car accidents or tickets they may have received.  Seniors often gloss over health issues such as dizziness which may be a sign of underlying illness.  Medication side effects that cause dizziness can lead to falls which are the most common cause of hospitalization among seniors in Canada.

Parents may also be embarrassed they have fallen prey to scams and frauds, or even financial abuse from family members or friends.  Seniors may not want to let their children know they were taken advantage of for fear of losing control over their own finances.

By opening a supportive, nonjudgmental dialogue with parents, adult children can help protect their love-ones and stay ahead of possible future problems.  Asking them how they handled similar situations with their own parents may be one way to gently guide open and honest conversations.  If an open dialogue is not possible, try to keep an eye open for clues that all is not as it appears such as bruises from falls, lack of proper food and other supplies, empty liquor bottles or unusual purchases.

Common Secrets Seniors Hide

Falls – may not reveal falls for fear of losing independent living, not wanting to use a walker

Dizziness – not wanting to worry or bother family, may think it is minor

Pain – believe it is natural part of aging or fearful of diagnosis

Driving Incidents – don’t want to lose license/independence

Money problems/gambling – fear of losing control over finances

Alcohol or Drug Use – embarrassed or fearful of loss of control

Elder abuse – fearful of repercussions from abuser